You Deserve to Feel Safe: Understanding Teen Dating Violence
- Janelle V. Hampden, MPA
- Feb 19
- 3 min read
Supporting young women isn’t just about providing resources—it’s about making sure you feel safe, valued, and empowered in every part of your life. As we continue to celebrate Black History Month, we also recognize Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, a time to shed light on an issue that affects many young women, often in silence.
Did you know that 1 in 3 girls in the U.S. experience some form of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse in their relationships? This is not okay. Even more alarming, 81% of parents don’t recognize teen dating violence as a problem or aren’t aware it’s happening. If something about your relationship doesn’t feel right, you are not alone—and you deserve support. 🖤
What Is Teen Dating Violence?
Teen dating violence (TDV) is any form of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse in a romantic relationship. It can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, background, or ethnicity. Often, it starts subtly—so subtly that you might not even realize what’s happening at first. But over time, the behavior escalates, leaving you confused, hurt, and questioning yourself.
How Does Teen Dating Violence Start?
It often begins with small things: jealousy, possessiveness, or constant check-ins. Maybe your partner tells you they’re only acting this way because they “care” or because they “love you so much.” But over time, these behaviors can turn into control, manipulation, and intimidation. Love should never make you feel trapped. Real love respects your boundaries, not breaks them.
Warning Signs to Look Out For
If you’re unsure whether your relationship is healthy, here are some red flags to be aware of:
✔️ Your partner constantly gets jealous or accuses you of flirting with others.
✔️ They try to control what you wear, who you talk to, or where you go.
✔️ They insult, belittle, or call you names to put you down.
✔️ They physically hurt you in any way—pushing, slapping, hitting, or grabbing you.
✔️ They threaten to hurt themselves or others if you leave them.
✔️ They try to isolate you from friends and family.
✔️ You feel nervous, anxious, or scared when talking about them or being around them.
These behaviors are not normal in a healthy relationship. If any of these sound familiar, your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be heard.
Feeling Confused? You’re Not Alone.
If you feel conflicted or unsure about your relationship, that’s okay. You might love this person and hope things get better, or maybe you feel guilty for even questioning their behavior. None of this is your fault.
Abusers often manipulate their partners into thinking that their actions are “not a big deal” or that “it’s your fault they act this way.” But the truth is, love should never leave you feeling afraid, controlled, or unworthy. Real love makes you feel safe, supported, and respected.
How to Seek Help
If you’re experiencing dating violence, please know that you don’t have to go through this alone. Here are some ways to seek support:
1️⃣ Talk to someone you trust—a friend, a teacher, a mentor, or a family member. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
2️⃣ Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit thehotline.org for confidential support.
3️⃣ Make a safety plan. Identify safe places to go, people you can call, and ways to get help if needed.
4️⃣ Reach out to a local support organization. Many schools, shelters, and hotlines can provide guidance and resources.
There Is No Shame in Asking for Help
If you’re experiencing abuse, please know this: you deserve love that doesn’t hurt. There is nothing weak about asking for help—seeking support is a sign of strength. You deserve a relationship that makes you feel valued, respected, and safe.
If you or someone you know is struggling with dating violence, please reach out. You are not alone, and help is available.
📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
🌐 Visit: thehotline.org
📍 Available 24/7 in over 170 languages.
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